In August 2013, I lost my husband, John, to suicide. At the time, my two children, Callum and Amelya, were her 9 and she was 5.
Orne was struggling with depression, but we never imagined he would commit suicide because he was a real family man and loved his children. We talked about getting and accepting help and he was very proud and a very nice person. I thought at the time we were starting to turn a corner and he would accept help, but sadly he never made it to the doctor.
I remember the day my husband was buried, surrounded by people I love and people who love me, and I went home that night to put my kids to bed. Locking the front door and thinking, “Now June, living alone with two small children, she has two options: sink or swim.” I remember.
With two children dependent on me, I couldn’t afford to sink. But the first few years after her husband’s death were in a daze, and she suddenly realized that she needed to carve a new path for her beautiful children somehow.
Very early on, someone told me that grief has no rulebook. was i mad? There is nothing to get angry about. I think life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. And I couldn’t afford to waste time getting angry.
Still, maybe I was so busy taking care of my kids that I almost forgot about myself. I was so busy ensuring their happiness that I forgot about myself.
I’ve tried a lot of things at this stage. I started going to the gym, walking and mindfulness, but nothing seemed to work. I knew I had to keep going no matter what. My mother is a very strong woman and she always told me:
One day I was sitting at the Armada Hotel looking at the ocean and the next morning I decided to go swimming at Spanish Point. The only problem was that I couldn’t swim.
So the next day at 9am, I got in the water and walked in the water and it was an incredible feeling. It was as if I had left my troubles on the shoreline. I still can’t forget the feeling at that time, and when I got home that day, my girlfriend’s mother said, “June is like a different person.” There’s a different person here than the one who went to the beach this morning.”
I knew that if I could feel this good when I got out of the water that day, I wanted others to feel what I felt. Three years ago, I didn’t have an Instagram account, so I posted on Facebook that I was going swimming in the morning, and a few people joined me the next day. rice field. And that was the beginning of the sea bathing community Snámhaí Sásta.
I have been swimming for three years and am currently taking swimming lessons. Hundreds of people join me every week from all four corners of Ireland. I meet people all over the world who have one thing in common. they all have a story. I realized that everyone has a story and no one escapes this life without taking a painful step.
Life can be tough for so many people, especially now after the COVID-19 pandemic. We enjoy country music disco and breakfast on the beach. For days I look around in amazement at a sea of smiling, happy faces. It is the course of life, the shape, the age, etc. Happy Pear’s Stephen and David Flynn recently came for a swim, and he probably had 1,400 people on the beach that morning.
I follow a lot of Instagram now, and sadly, a lot of people have reached out to me after I died by suicide. I get 3 or 4 or more messages every week.
My mother used to tell me, “June, you can’t find everyone’s grief,” but somehow I still do. I was able to find a way to detach myself a little. increase.
A few years ago, I quit my job and stayed home full time. It was a difficult decision because I have worked all my life and all my family members are self-employed. Besides, I like socializing, I worked in a hotel and I was meeting people all the time. But I have to say, it was probably the best decision I’ve ever made for my kids and myself.
For all of us, navigating a new path has been very difficult. The teenage years were certainly tough, but slowly but surely we are finding our way, day by day, sometimes hourly, sometimes minute by minute. There are many unanswered questions, but I have to keep going no matter what, and my family is the most important thing in the whole wide world.
After my husband’s death, we had individual counseling. My daughter, who was 5 years old at the time, was playing her therapy.
Talking and reaching out is very important if you are going through a hard time, but it took me a long time to realize that. Because she felt that her family had endured enough even after her husband passed away. Everyone told me I was great and brave, but I was crumbling and confused.
I spent many nights crying alone in bed. I was ashamed to admit that I needed help, but as someone recently said to me, ‘I’m afraid to cry or your children will see you crying. Never be afraid of
we are in a better place now. And I think it’s also the people that surround you. When I started swimming in the sea, I realized that when I was surrounded by people who made me feel happy, I felt better. Now, I work hard every day to find my own happiness.
I need something that excites me when I wake up in the morning and there is purpose in what you do.The ocean and the beautiful community I have built have changed my life. ”
@Sunam High Susta
As told by Katie Byrne
