In middle age, we find that many people are looking for a “one.” Also. New one’. Another “one”. The peak age of divorce in Ireland is 53 years, the majority of which are caused by women. Wrestling with Grindr, deciphering sexting, and dating in middle age isn’t easy, but it’s your chance to redefine what your relationship looks like.
e has an additional 20/30 years of life expectancy to live in the middle of our lives, not at the end. With unprecedented freedom and opportunity, there is no longer any historic handcuffs that traditionally linked women to formal relationships. You don’t have to get married or have children. You don’t have to continue your unhappy marriage. And after marriage, a woman can live alone without risking being ridiculed as a crazy cat woman.
We look and feel healthier, healthier, longer and younger. The people we want to be with in middle age may be very different from the people we seek from young people. With all this possibility after a family-building marriage, the possibilities for what a middle-aged relationship can look like are endless. Men are more likely to remarry than women. After being taken care of in a marriage, they still want someone to take care of them. However, many women are not lining up for their role at The Tinder.
As a midlife coach, I work with women who want to invest some thoughts in what they want in the midlife turmoil as they reach new stages such as career changes and children leaving home. I am. Many of my clients are also working on the end of the marriage. Some want to meet new people, while others choose not to live together again. Historically, when a woman lives with a man, she does more work.
As we grow older, after years of doing a lot to many people, we have the freedom to explore who we are ourselves. Suddenly, women live one-third of their postmenopausal life and experience the freedom decades after being held hostage by our biology (adolescents, after trying to avoid pregnancy). Spent years trying to get pregnant, giving birth to a child, and the mayhem of menopause).
That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Middle-aged dates are not suitable for the timid. At least young people have stamina. They can hang around the bar until a small time when they want to catch a roving eye in a strobe light. By middle age, you are responsible. You may have more money, but less time. Busy to care for parents and adult children who never leave home, pursuing hobbies and careers, and spending hours trying to do witty and wise things with dating apps every night destroys the soul. May be done. Most people have children and luggage.
But you also have the freedom to build a relationship that suits your needs rather than taking over your life. This is attractive to many women. After years of marriage and family together, often overwhelmed by physical and mental burdens, women now see themselves devoted to themselves. They often want romance without a relationship workload.
When I separated seven years ago and faced the peculiar fear of a single parent, the last thing I wanted was another emotional one that always had to consider the needs of someone else. It was to jump directly into the entanglement. Under the overwhelming decade of marriage, breeding, and parental care, I wanted to find out who I was, in need of a fun and frivolous part of my own life. Instead of ironing, he joked to a friend that he wanted to take off his shirt. Except I wasn’t really joking.
The important thing is to know what you want. Some of the men I meet on dating sites want a restarted version of their old marriage. Some are looking for casual fun. Clarifying what everyone wants can reduce a lot of emotional pain.
Men were looking at women’s physical assets. Now they also seem to be looking for her financial assets. A woman may or may not be looking for her husband, but men are sometimes looking for a home. Many single men live in rental housing because their children and ex are in family homes.
I have a friend in my early 50s and now I can’t afford to buy a house by myself and I hate the instability of renting. He told me that his next serious partner had to bring home and a fun personality.
I had a client in his early 60s and his new partner didn’t own a home. When his landlord notified him, he had no place to live. She felt she had no choice but to invite him to move. She admits that they signed a contract, he was paying rent and she was happy, but she didn’t really plan to live with someone again. The horror story of “c ** klodgers” arriving with “profit”, but none of the friendly help around the house put off many women.
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Emma Tomspan and Darryl McCormack, Good Luck, Leo Grande
Another interesting fact about middle-aged dating is age choices. Men have always been dating young women, and so are women now. I have a 53 year old friend who is looking at 27 years old. She doesn’t need her father or a man to pay a mortgage for her daughter. With her vibrant career and social life, she doesn’t have to be “one” for her, but just something special for her. She is pleased to have a fun, sexual relationship for her own enjoyment. Apron string is not attached. It’s also my experience.
There is definitely a market for young men who want relationships with older women (various levels of depth and dedication). When I started using the app, I was surprised at how many young men were in contact, so I did a little research. That is a thing. Some young men are looking for connections with women who are not looking for a husband. So there is an opportunity for women who need to spend years exploring the sexual side after getting out of marriage and continuing their parents, partners and children’s careers for years.
Watching 62-year-old Emma Thompson explore her sexuality Good luck, Leo Grande Indicates that the old rules no longer apply and you can redefine what you need. In the past, partners had to play many roles, including sexual, emotional, co-parenting, and putters outside the trash can, but women choose to extend their needs to multiple people and possibilities. I can do it. Sexual from one person, emotional from friends, connections from adult children and grandchildren. Instead of completing their life, they can choose someone to compliment their life.
This is the most unique time in history, a middle-aged woman, an opportunity to redefine so many aspects of herself. More financially independent women than ever have the ability to redefine every aspect of life, including career, ambition, gender, creativity, fitness and hobbies, in an unprecedented way to pursue their joys and needs. Given that, we are plunging into a new midlife landscape. In a relationship.
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Midlife, Redefined: Better, Bolder, Brighter by Alana Kirke
Alana Kirk’s new issue Midlife, redefinition: better, bolder, brighter Currently available. themidlifecoach.org
